Getting used to living away from home having spent all your life in that protective arrangement becomes one hell of a change. For me however, it didn’t seem so. I settled in pretty quick and smoothly, surprisingly quick. I didn’t miss home, I could fend for myself and my heart never sank for going away ever. This easter break however, my heart sank, so hard. It was a short three-week break but it came at the right time. I was long overdue on a good night’s sleep haha.
Being home this time felt like I had never left. I picked up right where I’d left off before university. I was the little kid again. Don’t know if it was the excessive love shower from my family, the lack of “omg-she-just-came-from-london!” attention or just the fact that I’d properly spent time with my best friend (yes, the same person my last post).
For the first time I realised that I’m not the only one keeping my problems from my family to save them the worry but they do the same. My mum was at the hospital the day before my arrival but no one told me. I didn’t know when I let her carry my backpack and I didn’t know till she handed me that plate of breakfast. This was familiar for I had always been treated like a child but unfamiliar as nothing was ever kept from me.
Similarly, somethings happened when my friend visited (which cannot be discussed on here) but being back home, seeing him almost everyday, talking to him on the phone every night was like going back to 2013. It felt similar but wasn’t exactly for I was completely different person compared to who I was back then.
This brings me to this aching question that keeps propping up, Am I really growing up? or just growing apart? Since my move to UK, the people I truly care about from back home can be counted on my fingers alone and if I can’t even care for them then what’s the point of me? I haven’t been able to answer this question and maybe I just can’t so in my creative-writing-escape style, here’s conclusion with poetry!
This time I spend with you, feels like it flies by.
It’s happened a couple of times before, but never seemed to affect me so.
My focus is a bit blurred, my mind’s all over the place.
It’s not the person I miss so much, but the warm embrace.
Asking for you is like crying in the rain,
Only I see the tears falling, only I feel the gnawing pain.
All washes away when I see you smile,
tears, agony, pain, all worthwhile.
At last there’s just this to say,
my thoughts and love surround you , even if I’m thousands of miles away.