I’m sorry I let you down

If you’ve been on both the delivery and receiving end of these words, I’m sure this post is going to speak to you. img_9850

There are two kinds of people in this world, who think they let you down but actually didn’t while there’s a few who actually do and never realise. I’m going to take it from dismal to happy and I hope you enjoy this ride.

I recently ran a campaign where I needed all of my friends to support me and back me more than ever.  It was one of those moments where you see who’s actually there for you.It was a hard thing to plan, with 8 people to compete against so you can understand the tension and pressure. In that moment you need someone to comfort you, to tell you that you’re good enough and that it will all turn out okay. My housemate who I’ve been living with for almost three years now went with the exact opposite approach. Seeing me crumble under the mountain of stress and anxiety she told me that I should be okay with not winning. I should be okay with letting this dream go because it was highly unlikely that I’ll be able to realise it. I broke down completely, shocked by my closest friend’s disbelief in me and overshadowed by the dip in my self confidence. She let me down as a friend and didn’t even realise it.

On the other hand, a friend of mine running a similar campaign thought he let me down, without actually doing that. We went out to dinner before results and we promised each other that we’d give it our best shot and that we’d win together. This guy was my rock through the ups and downs of this campaign. He pulled me out of the dismay of all the abuse, racism and negativity that was thrown my way throughout the campaign. However, I won my category but he lost. That just baffles me. He came up to me and said, “I’m so sorry I let you down, I’ll never do that again in my life. I’m going to make sure that you’re proud of me”. I told him that I was and I always will be.

I smiled out of this realisation. This realisation of how someone so close to your heart is so distant from understanding you while someone not quite as close holds you so dear.

I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a happy ending. I probably, maybe let you down.

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